Cross-Cultural Greetings

Greetings are a very important aspect of first impressions. They say a lot about a person; whether they are inviting or reclusive, comfortable or anxious. As a foreigner, however, greetings can be confusing as fudge.

Back in Canada, there were three ways you could acceptably greet a stranger.

1. The Nod and Wave

This is possibly the most informal and withdrawn of greetings, but is commonly used with diffident youths. Jerk head upward in the stranger's general direction, and raise hand swiftly at approximately chest-level. Keep hand upright and without deviation until time of wave is completed. Always raise hand after the nod, or not at all. Waving is recommended among female youths. Be sure to retain eye contact during procedure, else one may seem presumptuous. This method allows one to not seem too eager, whilst acknowledging the existence of another human being.

2. The Handshake

This is the most formal and common of greetings. It is often used when a friend introduces another, but is always used within the work environment. Subtly wipe sweat off palms. Extend right arm forward, and slightly cross to the left side of the body. Rotate hand so it is vertical to the ground, palm facing left. Grasp hand of stranger with medium strength. Raise and lower forearm twice before releasing. Smiling is recommended during procedure. This method is formal and businesslike, whilst remaining friendly. It allows for a safe first impression if the traits of the stranger are unknown. Can be applied in any situation.

3. The Hug

This greeting has the potential to be socially dangerous, but helps to form quick friendships if used properly. Stand closely to stranger, lean forward, and wrap arms around them. It is most acceptable to wrap the right arm above their left shoulder, and the left arm below their right shoulder. Hold for approximately 2 seconds. Longer could result in one being thought of as having inappropriate affections, and shorter could result in the same, with the additional trait of being self-consciously awkward. This method is generally used when a friend is introducing a very warm and sociable character. It is possible this person enjoys building strong, open relationships quickly, and thus will appreciate the hug of a stranger. If they are misinterpreted, however, it can cause for an uncomfortable disconnect between the two parties.

It is difficult enough to anticipate the proper greeting in the country I grew up in, with all its signals and exceptions, but greetings in Belgium are a whole different ball game. None of the above actions are an acceptable way to greet a stranger. The acceptable way to greet is a kiss on the cheek. This would be easy enough to assimilate to if not for the exceptions.

From what I understand (I may be entirely incorrect, mind you), in Wallonian-Brabant (French-speaking Belgium) it is proper to kiss once for a stranger, twice for an acquaintance, and thrice for a close friend or family member. Things can get confusing quickly, however, as it is also proper to kiss a close friend or family member once. In Flemish-Brabant (Dutch-speaking Belgium), however, it is the exact opposite. It is proper to kiss thrice for a stranger, twice for an acquaintance, and once for a close friend or family member. What, then, is appropriate for a multilingual city like Brussels? And I thought figuring out friendship statuses was difficult before all of this pressure.

You would think this would be difficult as it is without further complications.

I go to an international church, where the message and worship are in English, but can be translated into many different languages through the use of headphones. It is a popular destination for many Christian travellers, and we are visited by many new people from all over the world every week.

This is where things get confusing.

I am not even going to get into the struggle of coming into contact with completely new greetings from around the world that I am not aware of. Let’s stick with Belgium and North America for now.

There is always a moment of hesitation when two parties don’t know how the other person greets. Will they be offended if I greet them in a way they’re not used to? What if they’ve never been kissed in greeting before? Does a handshake seem too cold and distant? The fact is, as both parties worry about this, searching for signals from the other, oftentimes they are both completely comfortable with any form of greeting. They are in an international church, after all. Both tend to also be aware that the other person probably feels equally as flexible, but one can never be sure.

The resulting incident tends to be a hesitating step forward-step back embracing greeting jumble. I have accidentally touched someone’s crotch, kissed someone’s hair, and groped someone’s chest. I am probably now known as the Town Pervert. If you are reading this and have once been one of my accidental victims, please know that I am not a pervert. I am simply flustered by cross-cultural greetings.