The Rogue Blood Vessel

It is quite normal to get a nosebleed during dramatic weather changes or if a basketball mistakes your face for a net. Unfortunately, I never had such excuses.

There is one blood vessel in my nose that gets a little too excited sometimes and decides to burst every so often. One day, I decided that the hour-long nosebleeds were a little too much for me, and went to the doctor's office to get the vessel cauterized. I was told it was too damaged, and cauterization wasn't an option. I would have to live with that rebellious little bugger until it decided to grow up.

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I was on the bus one time, and if you have ever experienced buses in downtown Ottawa during rush hour, you know what I mean when I say this bus was crowded. As I shoved my way onto the cattle cart, I found a place to stand squished up against the front window of the vehicle, a spotlight for the faces of the audience heading home from work. I was about half an hour from home when it started.

I felt that awful trickle down my throat and looked back at the crowd in horror. I grabbed a receipt from my pocket just as blood began pouring from my nose, but my efforts were futile. My arms were lined with red and it wasn't slowing anytime soon.

It was then that one lady shouted to the rest of the bus, "ANYBODY GOT A TISSUE? THIS GIRL NEEDS SOME TISSUES." I watched as, one by one, ladies began rifling through their purses and men began shaking out their pockets. The bus driver nearly swerved off the road checking his coat. Thank goodness for mothers with snotty children.

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Ottawa has some pretty nasty mosquito swarms during the limited summer months. It is generally survivable unless the scent of your blood becomes extremely enhanced by, say, a nosebleed. It was one of those days where you felt like things couldn't get any worse, but lo' and behold, the universe found a way to make it so. I was frustrated and tired and generally upset after an awful day at school, and began my walk home.

There was a wooded path between my old school and the house I used to live in, which was about a half hour's walk. As I walked, I burned off some steam, and felt like the evening would be a little brighter.

It was then that the universe decided to curse me.

There was no crowd of huddled strangers this time to assist me with tissues, but no one to embarrass myself in front of either. I had nothing to stop the nosebleed, so it didn't take long for my hands and arms to be covered in red.

That's when I was attacked.

It felt like every mosquito in town swarmed me that day. By the time I escaped the trees and stepped onto my street, I had about 40 bites. I was about to step up to my house when I realized I had forgotten my key. Knowing that the door was always kept locked, I kept walking in the hope that my sister would have her key at work. I stepped inside the gas station she worked at, but instead of my sister standing by the counter, it was a very attractive coworker of hers. And there I was, face caked with dried blood, legs bumpy and swollen, and eyes wild with rage and confusion. I am a wonder with first impressions.

I left, planning to wait on my doorstep for a couple hours until one of my parents or my sister, wherever she was, got home. When I got there, however, I decided to ring the doorbell even though I knew no one could be home.

My sister opened the door.

I cried.

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You know in anime, when after a character sees someone really hot, blood bursts from their nose because of the increase in blood pressure?

Well, that happens to me.

I would be in the middle of some lovely one-on-one romantics when suddenly that superfluous vessel would decide it was the perfect time to join the party and third wheel my date. Tip: Ladies, if a man is being too forward, bleeding on him and ruining his favourite shirt is a foolproof way to ruin the mood.

On the bright side, after a bad breakup, you can always look back and smile at the ruin of his shirt.

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There are many stories of my rogue blood vessel, including one in the middle of a church service (I try to ignore the irony), but I think that is enough embarrassment for one day. Stay tuned for more embarrassing stories, because unfortunately, I have many.